Once upon a time, a fair maiden ventured away from her castle and entered a foreign land. She was wearing an oversized J. Crew sweater and some Doc Martins for she was painfully hip, or at least liked to think she was. She entered the foreign land that was called Harvard on the Hocking- although you might know it today as Ohio University.

In her first quarter at OU, this young maiden learned a very important lesson.

Don’t drink 10 shots of Absolut Citron vodka in one hour.

And by all means, don’t let all your dearly beloved friends do the same.

It may cause one to find solace and comfort on the girls bathroom tiled floor. It may cause one to lose their keys and their dinner. It may cause wicked headaches the next morning.

Guaranteed, it will be an ugly sight.

I promise you… to this day, I cannot have a drop of lemon vodka. Nor can I stomach the smell of strong lemon cleaners.

Thank you, dear parents, for paying for me to go to college. I learned this lesson early in life, and I tucked it deep in my heart and stomach. It stays there still today.

The end.